So it’s bedtime and your partner goes into bubs room to start their bedtime routine and immediately, there’s tears, there’s tantrums, there’s protests.
As soon as you walk in, bub (or toddler) is happy and content and now seeming willing to continue with bedtime routine.
Sound familiar??
What is parental preference?
Parental preference occurs when young children show a distinct liking for one parent over the other in specific situations. This preference can manifest throughout the day or be limited to certain activities, such as wanting dad to help with pajamas but preferring mum for teeth brushing. Most commonly, we see parental preference when it comes to sleep time!
Parental preference occurs when young children show a distinct liking for one parent over the other in specific situations. This preference can manifest throughout the day or be limited to certain activities, such as wanting dad to help with pajamas but preferring mum for teeth brushing. Most commonly, we see parental preference when it comes to sleep time!
Bubs Scenario
You’ve got a young bub and they are either breastfed before bed or mum has always given the last feed and popped them down. It’s worked fine so far but now mum wants a break and is exhausted. Dad tries to do the settle after mums last breast feed and bub WILL NOT have a bar of it so mum takes over again and ends up feeding to sleep. Dad feels useless and guilty he can’t help, mum feels frustrated that it’s now all up to her to settle bub to sleep.
Toddler Scenario
If you have a toddler, you’re fully aware they like to push the boundaries. This is normal toddler behaviour. BUT at what point do we push back and hold the boundary?
It’s bedtime, you’re in their room reading books and they ask for dad to come in and put them to sleep but dad is busy. You let them know dad is unavailable so their emotions fly off the wagon. They’re screaming and yelling and refusing to get into bed until dad comes and bedtime is now taking hours.
TIPS
-
Avoid trying to replicate each other’s routines. Establish your own unique ways of winding down with your child.
-
Refrain from switching parents during the settling phase. If your child is upset, the preferred parent should maintain distance to allow the other parent to continue the settling process, even if the child is not enjoying it! Frequent changes can create confusion and overstimulation and won’t instill confidence in bub.
-
Take gradual steps if necessary. Start with the non-preferred parent being present during bedtime, then slowly allow them to take over parts of the routine. Little by little, increase their involvement while the preferred parent steps out for short periods.
-
With toddlers, it can quickly become a power struggle with parental preference. Be firm, hold boundaries. Know that big feelings and emotions are ok and they can feel these feelings whilst we still hold our boundary.
If you need help navigating parental preference and putting a plan in place, book a consult with our team of sleep consultants here.
