Teaching your little one to self settle can often be perceived by many parents as just letting your baby cry it out until they fall asleep.
This act of non responsiveness has developed a not so good reputation for itself and I absolutely understand why. As parents its 100% natural to want to respond to your little one when they are upset or are showing any kind of emotion. So the thought of saying goodnight to your little one and then shutting the door and not returning until morning can feel utterly wrong.
The good news when it comes to teaching your little one to self settle is that these methods are so outdated and there are now alot of hands on and responsive settling methods you can use to teach your newborn, baby or toddler to self settle.
Teaching your baby to self settle does not mean you need to stop feeding overnight if your enjoy this or your baby still genuinely needs a feed or two, it does not mean you cannot enjoy contact naps or naps on the go - it simply means you can have th best of both worlds.
Remember that your little one only knows what they know, this may be feeding, rocking, holding until asleep. But as your baby gets older and older, these settling methods can becoming harder to induce and the longer you do this, the more your little one will want this for each and every settle.
Naturally, at this age, these are things that your baby cannot do for themselves and you can find yourself needing to frequently resettle the only way they know how, between every.single.sleep.cycle!!! It can become exhausting.
This is where many families will reach out for help and look at ways to help teach their child how to resettle and sleep for longer periods. This almost always comes down to working on some independent sleep or self settling.
So how do we do this?
Self settling or independent sleep is taught through repetition and consistency. Its not just a matter of choosing a settling method and sticking to this though. We also want to make sure our little ones routine is age appropriate, their sleep environment is conducive for good sleep and that any external sleep associations/props that may impact sleep have been addressed. We also want and need the reassurance that our little one is capable of sleeping through and we aren't going to be working towards something that isn't realistic, this is where our step by step approach in our sleep guides allows you to gradually remove feed by feed as opposed to going cold turkey - we would never suggest this.
With all these factors inline it will help to ensure that any changes we make when teaching self settling will be as seamless as possible. If you were to go ahead and introduce a settling method without considering the above factors, it would not be fun.
When introducing a settling method we always like to start with the bedtime settle first as sleep pressure is highest here, which will ensure the settling process doesn't take too long. It also helps to set the scene for the overnight settling expectations too, meaning your little one will respond better off the back of the same settling approach you used at their last wake. Consistency is going to be your best friend.
When choosing a settling approach we want to choose one that we are
A) comfortable with and
B) one we feel our little one will respond too.
I suggest using the same settling method for around 2 weeks to ensure we keep things consistent. Remember, its taking a short amount of time for your little one to learn what they know and it will take a short amount of time for them to learn a new way to fall asleep. Consistency is KEY.
In terms of settling methods, these can vary from very hands on in the room methods that are very gradual, to more check and console style methods (which actually do work very well for bubs who are easily stimulated).
Teaching your baby to self settle does take some time, patience and have I mentioned consistency?!?! BUT, is totally doable and is SO worth the stretches of sleep you and your family will get within a week or two of teaching your baby to self settle.
You can find all our settling methods in our sleep guides here or by booking a 1 on 1 consult with our amazing team here.
Our team have helped over 30 000 families worldwide and can help take the overwhelm out of teaching your little one to self settle.
Kristy and TST team x
